#36: Upgrade Your Health Goals to Become More, Not Less

“Lose weight. Stress less. Curb cravings. Lower anxiety. Reduce bloating.” In this episode you’ll be challenged to be brave enough to stop trying to be LESS (even as we focus on our health) and aim to become… MORE.

You’ll hear:

  • The poem “Be a Lady They Said”
  • How to reframe your thinking about your health goals
  • Why women tend to struggle to dream of more
  • My challenge to you to start thinking about becoming MORE

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Connect with Michelle:


Be a Lady

Have you seen the video Cynthia Nixon did about a year ago?

(You know, Miranda from Sex and the City? That Cynthia Nixon?)

Be a lady, they said. Your skirt is too short. Your shirt is too low.

It goes through the messages we get about what it means to properly “Be a Lady” and is absolutely brilliantly done.

Be small. Be light. Be little. Be petite. Be feminine. Be a size zero. Be a double zero. Be nothing. Be less than nothing.

It makes me pause. 

Like, deeply pause.

Be Less

I hear women all the time telling me that they want to lose weight. 

They need to bring down their blood pressure. 

Eat less

Crave less

Lower cholesterol. 

Less anxiety. 

Less stress. 

Less bloating. 

I’m not saying that these things are wrong. 

But I’m sick to my stomach over the idea that to be good, to be acceptable, we need to be LESS.

Becoming More

Lately, I’ve been challenging my clients to turn those sentiments around and start speaking in terms of what they want to be MORE of.

Like this:

If all your health issues were solved…what would you be MORE of? 

What would that allow you to DO MORE of? 

If we could just take away the hindrance of your few (or many) health issues…how would you get BIGGER or live LARGER?

Maybe you’d be MORE energized. MORE powerful. Take up MORE space in the room. Be a GREATER leader. More creative. Make a BIGGER impact. Feel LIMITLESS joy. Be stronger, MORE capable. Be MORE yourself.

More, not less. How about that, as a goal?

Not zero.

Definitely not double zero.

Is it hard to imagine?

Sophia (a private client) had a long list of health issues — things she wanted to lessen.

I asked her, Sophia, ok, but what do you want to be MORE of…

And she stopped dead in her tracks.

She had no words. Nothing.

She couldn’t imagine being more.

Sophia isn’t the only woman who isn’t sure what she wants. I remember when I started my business and someone asked me what my big “dream” was. Dream? I didn’t have a dream. I was just hoping to pay the bills this month. 

Anything more felt…silly. Maybe even selfish.

I had no inkling that one day I’d have clients around the world, a team of women working for me, and that I’d be training other health coaches. I couldn’t imagine anything like that. I had no answer when they asked about the big dream, or becoming MORE.

Why we struggle to dream of more

As women, we are socialized to take care of and please others. To be seen and not heard, and that others’ opinions are more important than our own.

Be a Lady echoes the sentiments we’ve heard all our lives:

Your hair is too short. Your hair is too long. Your ends are split. Highlight your hair. Your roots are showing. Dye your hair. Not blue, that looks unnatural. You’re going grey. You look so old. Look young. Look youthful. Look ageless. Don’t get old. Women don’t get old. Old is ugly. Men don’t like ugly.

I don’t know how we let that BS into our brains, but, there it is. Alive and well. (Last week’s show was ALL about going gray, by the way – this idea of getting old.)


It can be really difficult to think of ourselves as becoming MORE. 

Like, gee, gosh, am I allowed to do that? 

And what on earth would being MORE look like?

We get stuck in the minutiae of coloring our roots and making the holiday table perfect for everyone – especially this time of year. One of my other clients called the holidays “More work for mom”….and she’s not wrong. Make it nice for everyone, make it good for everyone. 

Look pretty. Smile more.

What if…

What if you could reclaim all that time and energy?

Not just during holiday season, but what if you could reclaim all the mental space that “being a lady” has occupied in your brain over the course of your lifetime?

I remember spending hours pouring over Seventeen magazine, learning how to apply eyeshadow.

I can imagine myself, and so many other women, standing in front of full-length mirrors, scrutinizing our bodies from the time we were 12 years old. Holding back the flesh of our thighs. Sucking in our stomachs.

We’re talking probably hours a day that you’d get back, years of your life.

An immeasurable amount of confidence, restored.

Imagine what we could have done, what we still can DO with that.

The question is…

Are we brave enough to stop trying to be LESS (even as we focus on our health) and aim to become… MORE?

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