Prioritizing Fun and Pleasure (Day 5 Living Ageless)

A while back, I went on a first date. And like all first dates, it was a little bit awkward. Not too bad, but a little bit. We exchanged pleasant chit chat. You know about our jobs. Our kids, our divorces. And at one point he mentioned in passing something about going dancing or I don't know, he said something about going to a nightclub or out of dancing. And I balked. I was like, what? I haven't been to a nightclub since I was in my 20s.

So I asked him, Do you like to dance? Because I like, really enjoy dancing? But I couldn't even imagine going out at night dancing like that at my age. And he said, “Yeah, I love to dance.” And I was like, “But we're so old. Where do you even go dancing at this age?” And he said, “You can go anywhere and do anything you want. I'll take you dancing.” And we did not that night, but a few weeks later, I'm going to tell you also, I had no idea what to wear. That was kind of funny, but nevertheless, I found myself 40 years old out dancing, sweaty, laughing, and I'll be damned feeling like myself again.

This was all pre-COVID, by the way. Now, going dancing was a little bit different than when we were kids. For starters, I think we each only had one drink, and when the crowd started to thin out, yeah, we were ready to go home. We weren't really looking for after hours, but otherwise it was so fun.

And in some ways, it was more fun than I remembered from, you know, when I was in college, when I was in my early 20s because I wasn't there to impress anybody or to be cool. I didn't even care if this guy thought I was cool or not. I was just there to try this thing out. We got home at like three o'clock in the morning, and it was exhilarating.

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So we began this week talking about making space, remember how space is the key to unraveling years of stress and burden and really helping you reconnect to who you are underneath all of that. Space is essential if we want to live ageless. Now I found space in my life kind of accidentally. It was a byproduct of getting divorced. I kind of fell into a big, empty vat of space that I didn't even really want. But I learned over time sort of kicking and screaming how valuable it is to have space to breathe emotionally, physically, mentally.

You know, sometimes space is going to allow you, of course, to implement healthier, age defying habits like getting more sleep. As we talked about earlier this week, we're getting more movement into your day or trying a new recipe, right? If you make some space, you're going to be able to do these things. But do you see how real quick it can end up sounding like yet another to do list, yet another way to fill your life with obligations? So, yeah, make some space for that stuff because it's important you know what you need to do. But what you may not realize what I had not realized for the better part of two decades was we also need space for pleasure, for fun, for doing things that you enjoy that literally serve no other purpose.

Let me explain that because this is a tough one sometimes for my clients to get. When I say that you need to do things that literally serve no purpose beyond just being fun. So cooking, for example, I like to cook. I don't know if you do, but for me, cooking is fun. I can tell you that it's true. I like to cook. But cooking is also how I feed my family. I mean, yes, if I'm going to cook something, it also serves this purpose of becoming our meal. Sometimes the women will say, Oh, it's fun for me to like, go to Target. OK, look, I get that because I can enjoy a good Target run, too. But that's also called running errands because, you know, when you're there, you're picking up toilet paper. You know, like, it's not pure fun getting a pedicure. OK. Also, sort of fun. Maybe if I go with a friend that's also called personal grooming, do you see?

So more than anything more than any, you know, nutrient deficiency or lack of sleep? We talked about both of those things this week. But what I see among women and what I noticed with myself is that we lack access to pleasure.

Not only do we not have it, we're not really making time for pleasure in our lives, but often it's like, we don't know how we've put up a wall. Or maybe that wall is just there energetically, and it doesn't allow us to experience pleasure as if maybe it's selfish or ridiculous or as if we don't deserve it. I feel like as women in general, we can be pretty uncomfortable with pleasure as a concept, right? Like, I couldn't even imagine that I didn't think I was allowed. I don't know who wasn't allowing me, but I didn't feel like I was even allowed to go do the thing that I have always loved to do the most. Dancing music. Oh gosh, now, like, I'm much too old for that, I thought.

We like productivity. We definitely allow ourselves to be productive. We take pride in that. We love efficiency. We really get into smart multitasking. Oh yeah, but pleasure? Right doing something for no other purpose than to enjoy ourselves. I think that we aren't really encouraged to seek pleasure just as even, you know, when we were young, even as girls were taught to protect ourselves, that's for damn sure. And to take care of others, especially as we get older. So as we wrap up this week all about how to live ageless, if I can share one thing with you that has made the most tremendous difference in my health. It's this it's throwing caution to the wind every now and then and doing the thing just for fun, just for laughs, just for exhilaration and just for you like you did when you were young. Like, you can still do that. If I can walk my 40-something butt into a nightclub in New York City and shake it all night among a sea of 20 year olds, you can do it too, whatever it is that lights you up, whatever makes you feel young.

I needed someone to teach that to me that even with all the organic food and exercise and blah blah blah healthy living, I wasn't fully living there was that wall up between me and pleasure. So in passing the secret on to you. It's something I work with my clients on, like in addition to all the healthy habits that allow you the energy and the strong body to go, do those fun things in the world, right?

All together, all these things are what allow us to feel and live ageless.

By the way, just to close the loop, that guy, that first date that was over two years ago, we're still together.

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